Sunday, October 17, 2010

Come get Some

Duke Nukem Forever

The history of 'Duke Nukem Forever' is a long and torturous one. First announced in 1997 as a sequel to early FPS gem 'Duke Nukem 3D', what followed would become video-game folklore. The next twelve years would be development hell, ultimately ending in the collapse of its designers 3D Realms in May 2009. 'Duke Nukem', the cigar-chomping and babe-loving icon of the nineties shooter, appeared to have stomped on his last alien with his mighty boot. Suddenly, however, he’s back.

Gearbox Software, the creators of 'Borderlands', work down the road from where the Duke’s palace had fallen – and, to say the least, were distressed at his demise and the loss of so many jobs. As such they bought 'Duke Nukem' and his franchise: lock, stock and smoking Shrink-ray barrel. They then proceeded to plug the gaps in the unfinished game in total secret. So it is then that as of early 2011, we’ll finally be able to play through the most infamous title in video-game history.

It’s a torrid tale with a fairy-tale ending, yet the convoluted story behind the game somewhat belies the fact that 'Duke Nukem Forever'’s brow is so low that it drags on the floor and hinders movement. We have played a mere twenty minutes of the game and have already thrown excrement at walls and witnessed a pair of pneumatic blonde twins, with very little modesty to share between them, do something extraordinarily rude indeed. We are in firm 18-rated, bad taste country here – if you’ve noticed your copy of the Daily Mail involuntarily twitching recently then now you know why.

The game begins as it means to go on: with the Duke relieving himself at a urinal, and the player in control of the stream. It soon emerges that he’s in the changing rooms of a vast sports arena that’s under attack from the Cycloid Emperor and his minions so without much further ado (unless you want to fling the aforementioned excrement at passing soldiers or scribble obscenities on a nearby chalk-board) you’re facing down the vast iron-clawed reptile on an American Football pitch with the handy dual-rocket launcher known as a Devastator.

After your victory it emerges that you’ve in fact been playing as Duke as he plays his own game from the comfort of his luxury Las Vegas penthouse – quipping “After twelve f***ing years it had better be good!” as the twist is revealed. The real alien invasion, however, is soon to follow; and just as in Duke Nukem 3D, they’re after our babes again. What’s more, seemingly just to irk the Duke, they’re taking the hot ones. As the big man himself has said in the past: “Nobody steals our chicks, and lives.”

Come get Some

What follows is a barrage of violence meted upon alien scum through shotguns, shrink rays, freeze rays, pipe-bombs and explosive laser tripwires – through Las Vegas casinos, the Hoover Dam and every strip-club in between. There are sections in which you can pelt through the desert in Duke’s own Monster Truck, and there are sections in which he’s shrunk and must battle through levels when only six inches high. Absolutely everything, meanwhile, is back-ended by the terrible action-hero quips that first made Duke Nukem famous.

It might not make us proud to say it, but this truly is a game that’s tremendous fun to play. The wait could never quite be worth it, but at least we won’t be disappointed on Xbox 360, PlayStation 3 or PC. He’s lewd and he’s crude, but most importantly he’s finally coming home in early 2011. Hail to the King, baby.

Come get Some

Monday, October 26, 2009

Audi R8

Audi R8

Friday, March 27, 2009

Tuesday, April 8, 2008